joy of nine9

I am approaching Easter Triduum with joy this year, celebrating His death with the Resurrection in mind because I cannot separate the two anymore. If the priest can sing

“Oh happy fault”

in reference to The Fall, we should all sing, just as St. Paul surely did,

“Oh happy Death”.

“O happy fault, 
O necessary sin of Adam

which gained for us 
so great a Redeemer!”

Just thinking of Christ’s  death on the cross triggers a huge smile, twinkling eyes and a warm glow in my heart. I am almost giddy because this is the first year in 38 years as a Catholic that I grasp what Christ has done for me  right to my core. He has set me free from bondage emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. Jesus accomplished all on the cross.

How did I receive this gift?

I didn’t.

Instead I stole Jesus’s job by bearing my burdens as well as everyone else’s. I was  a suffering servant.

That sounds quite holy, doesn’t it?

However when you use secular terms for the same experience and tell me that I am a doormat, scapegoat who was emotionally enmeshed with those close to me because I literally felt their pain, well that is a wake up call.

Even when I discovered this pride within me that worked to save myself and everyone else, I kept crawling back on the cross and stealing the work of salvation from Christ. In fact I was  basically proclaiming that His death and Resurrection was useless, powerless to save, heal or set me free.

Every layer of our being, right down to the unconscious, pre-verbal self must let go of control and accept salvation. The  image in the Catholic contemplative tradition is that of  onion skins and even the onion itself. We must embrace and layers upon layers of mini deaths and resurrections as He transforms us by the power of the Spirit .

It is His work, not ours.

It is our job to surrender pride and ego again and again.

This Easter Triduum, simply allow Jesus to save you and me.

Hallelujah!

“O happy fault, 
O necessary sin of Adam

which gained for us 
so great a Redeemer!”