This week I celebrate a victory over a big issue;I have received the breathing presence of God’s grace in my life.
I sense that these posts should be light, related to situations about living in grace in the real world and rejoicing in our small successes. But this week I cannot write about my small successes.
Instead, I am compelled to write about a deep paradigm shift that Is happening inside me that is in the realm of the experiences described in “The Cloud of Unknowing” because I am completely clueless about this inner work. All of God’s work is happening under my radar. until something triggers tears which seem to pop up from no where. No room for pride here. It is all about Him and He is probably keeping me in the dark because I would just get in the way.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12
- Just typing these words brings tears to my eyes once again. I am not exactly sure what is going on in my spirit and soul but I do know that a huge shift is happening. When I stop for a moment , my shoulders sag as warmth floods my heart AND my body. I am aware of God’s presence.
- All I understand cognitively is that God is at work within me and I could break down and weep in gratitude for answered prayers. I have longed for such intimacy for decades, not days or weeks or even a few years but for decades I have worked on all the barriers to surrender, to trusting Him. Now He is in charge, He is at work hidden, mysterious, yet letting me know that I am on the brink of something profoundly simple..finally letting Him love me.