A Miscarriage: A Soul Acknowledged then Released

Posted in Catholic, family life, spirituality

I have always considered myself blessed with ten pregnanciesunborn-e1396479004518

which resulted in nine healthy babies and only one miscarriage.

I thought that I knew how to handle a miscarriage, emotionally and spiritually.

I thought I had done everything right by this little one who died before birth.

I was mistaken.

Twenty-five years ago I was in a panic when I discovered that I was pregnant with my seventh.  I had just reconciled with God and embraced this baby when I started to spot. An ultrasound revealed that although I was 12 weeks pregnant, my womb was only at 9 weeks in size and was empty. Apparently the body reabsorbs a fetus in spontaneous, natural ‘abortions’. This news shook me. I felt a sense of betrayal because I had experienced real, spiritual joy when I finally accepted that I was expecting again. My womb was empty, yet  I KNEW, we had created a soul.

I had learned that it is important to name a miscarried baby. During prayer, we sensed that this baby was a girl. I chose Ruth because I love that name but my husband had been reluctant to call a living, little girl – Ruth.  We dedicated Ruth to Jesus and commended her soul to God.

I rarely thought of her, with three more births quickly following this miscarriage.images (11)

Last week, after about 25 years, I discovered why my body and heart were usually tight, tense; I was holding on to this unborn daughter, refusing to let her spirit go to heaven. Ironically I really did not acknowledge her as one of my family. I had a sense that she was telling me off, ” Quit saying you have nine kids; you have ten children!”

Then I was filled with grief and tears as I thought,” This soul never got to experience life on earth. She completely missed out.” I remembered the phrase by C.S. Lewis

“You don’t have a soul.  You are a soul.  You have a body.”

and by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Ruth wanted to be acknowledged but then set free, released to go to heaven. Seems absurd that I had that much power but then I remembered the scripture-

Matthew 18:18 -“Amen, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

When I prayed and spoke the words out loud, letting go of control and letting go of my tight hold on her soul, I IMMEDIATELY had an inner picture of a tiny child spinning in delight with her arms outstretched, dancing in a beam of light.

My body relaxed, my shoulders actually slumped and my heart was filled with joy.

Ruth was finally in heaven.

Ruth was finally an accepted member of our family.

I have ten children.

 

Published by melanie jean juneau

Melanie Jean Juneau serves as the Editor in Chief of Catholic Stand. She is a mother of nine children who has edited her kid's university term papers for over a decade. She blogs at joy of nine9 and mother of nine9. Her writing is humorous and heart warming; thoughtful and thought-provoking. Part of her call and her witness is to write the truth about children, family, marriage and the sacredness of life. Melanie is the administrator of ACWB, a columnist at CatholicLane, CatholicStand, Catholic365 , CAPC, author of Echoes of the Divine and Oopsy Daisy, and coauthor of Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood.

18 thoughts on “A Miscarriage: A Soul Acknowledged then Released”

  4. Very beautiful! Thank you for sharing! My 6th pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Since I already had 5 children and I was only 9 weeks along, I was surprised by the grief I felt. It was a deeply spiritual experience and gave me a deeper appreciation for the sacredness of human life.

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  6. This is so beautiful. It’s amazing how long it can take to heal, isn’t it? I miscarried at 5 months with my first pregnancy. This was over 30 years ago, and we were not encouraged to go through a grieving process or name our child. The attitude from our families was that we should just get on with life. It was very hard. I found that writing poetry helped a great deal. I kept those poems and have added to them over the years. I’ve recently published them as But Still My Child in the hope that they will help others in their healing process. You can find But Still My Child at http://www.amazon.com/dp/1482789078

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  7. This is a beautiful post Melanie, and well written. Thanks so much for posting of your letting go process. My daughter just informed me yesterday that she is pregnant with her second child! I’m praying all goes well, but I’m still a bit nervous until she reaches at least 12 weeks..

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  9. What a beautiful tribute! I love these words, “an inner picture of a tiny child spinning in delight with her arms outstretched, dancing in a beam of light.” May your heart be comforted by the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. I also have a dancing girl in heavenly bliss with our Father. I can see them dancing, singing, sitting on Jesus’ lap, running and skipping in delight in a field of beautiful flowers. May God bless you richly, more than you could ever ask or imagine!

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