As Christians we are often surprised to discover that we are not as Christian as we suppose. Many attitudes from secular society lurk deep in our
minds and hearts. Our attitudes to love and friendship are no exception.
Do you find yourself waiting secretly for your knight in shining armour to whisk you off your feet so you can live happily ever after?
Or for a wonderful woman to lift off your depression and sense of aimlessness?
Although we laugh at such ridiculous fantasies as the stuff of naïve, lovesick teenagers, we all must face the deep temptation within ourselves to ask our partner to fulfil all of our needs.
Most of us are not conscious of this tendency which propels us to seek out our soul mate, someone to complete us and make us whole. The stark truth is that nothing outside of ourselves will ever fill that hollow place within us, not money, not cars nor beautiful homes nor relaxing vacations. Nothing outside of ourselves can complete us.
Depending on someone else to complete or make you happy just doesn’t work.
When someone puts unrealistic demands on us, even if we love them and desperately want to fill their emptiness we will always fail. A natural instinct of survival is to pull back. If we force ourselves to comply, we become suffering victims, scapegoats, resentful and bitter.
You cannot save anybody who passively expects you to fulfil the role of saviour. Period. The most loving thing is an AA kind of response to addictive behaviour and let them fall down. Then, there is hope that they will face themselves, take themselves on and begin that inner journey.
I will leave you with this image. One partner is at the bottom of a well, sitting passively. The other partner is leaning down the well as far as they can, dangling a rope in front of their beloved. Only problem is that this particular loved one has vaseline on their hands.
Only God can save any of us. Only Christ can save us from ourselves, from wounding each other and only the Holy Spirit living deep in our souls can satisfy our hearts craving for love.
Ezekiel 36:26
… And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will
remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. …
joy of nine9 
Great article Melanie. It fills me with a lot of visions which I cannot get out of my mind:
These days a rusty non-shining armour needs cod liver oil to make it function smoothly.
The woman in red being dragged along the grass will need a good washing powder to clean that dress.
Why doesn’t the man wash his hands off the vaseline?
I do get the main point of the article though; and you are so right.
God bless.
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love your humour
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Still it lies lurking. That’s what drives me to live ALL IN. To dispel the dark lurkings. Great post, Melanie.
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I wanted to say thank you for following me first of all. Now to comment on this post, I’m an open athiest. I am not here to push my beliefs but to compliment you. Mother of nine?! I couldn’t imagine that(0 here). “You cannot save anybody who passively expects you to fulfil the role of savior.” In my mind that makes sense. I feel it’s love that drives us to be caring. It also can be painful. Kudos, you seem to be quite a skilled journalist from briefly skimming your site. I hope I can learn a bit from you. Or at the least, I like your writing style. 🙂 G’night 12:55AM. Hope your loved ones are well too.
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It is late for me too- in Canada . Thank-you for taking the time to comment. I must let you know I like your blog because it is visual appealing, articulate and creative- night
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Excellent article Melanie!
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🙂
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