God designed us so that only His love will fill the
desperate desires of our hearts.
Counter to what secular society would lead us to believe, only God can meet man’s core need for love. Countless marriages end up in divorce because people have embraced the crazy notion that the man of their dreams will completely satisfy and fulfill them. Before I understood this reality, I spent years as a pitiful, innocent victim, crying my eyes out over my plight married to an insensitive man.
Society does not prepare people for marriage. As a newlywed, I wish someone had explained to me that in marriage, partners unwittingly irritate each other by pulling out each other’s darkness, bringing their wounds to the surface. Once I understood this spiritual dynamic, I quit blaming my husband and pointing out his faults. Once I focused on myself rather than my husband, the Spirit of God could finally deal with my own sinfulness and need for healing.
If I had thrown up my hands and divorced my spouse, chances are the second fellow would have turned out exactly the same. My sinfulness triggered my husband’s sinfulness. Period. I had to stop blaming and pointing out Michael’s failings if I wanted a great marriage. Instead of pointing out the grain of sand in his eye, I had to allow God to show me the log of faults in my own eye.
God designed us so that only His love will fill the desperate desires of our hearts.
Once I understood this truth, I could allow real love, respectful love to grow between Michael and myself without making crushing demands on the poor guy to fulfill the role of God in my life.
Ironically when I quit demanding love from my husband, quit trying to control him, he was set free to love me in freedom and in truth, in the power of the Spirit of God. When I let go, God blessed me with more than I could ever have asked for in our marriage.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7-8)
joy of nine9 
This is a gorgeous and timely piece. Thanks, Melanie! So many marriages would be helped by taking this approach!
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🙂
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Two things I’ve learnt about marriage.
A successful marriage depends on one partner being slightly deaf. Preferably the husband.
Archaeologists make the best marriage partners. The older you get the more interested they are in you.
God bless.
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laughing- an even better tactic than mine-love it
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Thanks Melanie…..Such an honest piece with real self knowledge. I believe a good marriage is based on friendship and respect, and then love deepens as we both begin to give without receiving.
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yes- well put- I missed saying that clearly- respect and giving rather than focusing on needing to be loved and love grows naturally as well as supernaturally
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Agree. Hope your grandchild continues to recover….and hope you are not too exhausted with worry.
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After one week and a couple of days he looks NORMAL. there were a few days of trauma, with his mum in tears and distraught because he would not sleep without feeling her touch. As soon as I prayed for the angels to surround him with praise and the peace of heaven, he slept in his own crib for an hour and a half for his next nap!!
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That’s good news. Hope all continues to go well.
God bless you all.
David
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I am forever grateful for your constant support- the baby will be checked till he is 21 years old by the neuro surgeon and plastic surgeon
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So happy to hear that your grandson is doing well. This piece on marriage is so true! We are going on 32 years, and once I figured out that my husband did not fill me…and I looked to God, our marriage became much better! I think little girls are given the wrong idea about Princes in shinning armor who will save them. I always tell others Jesus saves, love and respect your husband, accept him as he is. God gave both of you to each other for a reason, you probably have a lot to learn from each other. Vive La Difference! God Bless your family!
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well said- I agree
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