desperate desires of our hearts.
Counter to what secular society would lead us to believe, only God can meet man’s core need for love. Countless marriages end up in divorce because people have embraced the crazy notion that the man of their dreams will completely satisfy and fulfill them. Before I understood this reality, I spent years as a pitiful, innocent victim, crying my eyes out over my plight married to an insensitive man.
Society does not prepare people for marriage. As a newlywed, I wish someone had explained to me that in marriage, partners unwittingly irritate each other by pulling out each other’s darkness, bringing their wounds to the surface. Once I understood this spiritual dynamic, I quit blaming my husband and pointing out his faults. Once I focused on myself rather than my husband, the Spirit of God could finally deal with my own sinfulness and need for healing.
If I had thrown up my hands and divorced my spouse, chances are the second fellow would have turned out exactly the same. My sinfulness triggered my husband’s sinfulness. Period. I had to stop blaming and pointing out Michael’s failings if I wanted a great marriage. Instead of pointing out the grain of sand in his eye, I had to allow God to show me the log of faults in my own eye.
Once I understood this truth, I could allow real love, respectful love to grow between Michael and myself without making crushing demands on the poor guy to fulfill the role of God in my life.
Ironically when I quit demanding love from my husband, quit trying to control him, he was set free to love me in freedom and in truth, in the power of the Spirit of God. When I let go, God blessed me with more than I could ever have asked for in our marriage.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7-8)