Angry Comments

Posted in Catholic, communication, writing

 People are free to disagree with me; in fact, I am grateful to have people point out a fallacy in my facts or in my thinking because it helps me learn and grow as a person and as a writer.

As for negative or angry comments, I have finally become smart enough to understand that the best response to angry comments is silence.

Why?

I can repeat or clarify a misunderstanding. I can attempt to reconcile opposing viewpoints but usually someone who is closed to any other opinion is the person to write a negative response. If they refuse to engage in positive dialogue, I don’t bother bashing my head against the wall.

images-13
Johannes Vermeer

Often an angry person wants to engage in a verbal fight. In fact he is purposefully antagonizing me.

After living with teenagers, my husband and I quickly learned how to diffuse angry confrontations because they were unproductive. Angry feedback always reminds me of teenage outbursts. Here is a typical encounter at our house a few years ago.

One of my sons , in his early teens, had just announced that he could not stand living under our roof another minute,

“I’m out of here!”, he bellowed, “and don’t expect me to come back!”

The door slammed and he tore off on his ten speed bike. Of course my father was visiting and witnessed this dramatic episode. After a few minutes, my dad turned to my husband and wondered,

”Aren’t you going to go after him?”

Michael calmly kept reading, then looked up and explained,
“Oh, I’m not worried. The only place near enough to bike to is one of his friend’s houses and they don’t feed kids over there. He’ll be back when he is hungry enough.”

No need to over-react. No need to lecture or argue. Just let nature take its course.

Most importantly. Do not take angry reactions personally. I would be in a mental health hospital if I took to heart every insult my teenagers hurled at me. Most negative feedback says more about the person commenting and his own emotions and reactions than it does about me or my opinions.

I ask myself, “Why is the respondent angry?”

He is not really critiquing my writing style, content or conclusions, especially if a vehement response attacks me the writer. That is just the release valve which is handy at the moment. My words triggered a dramatic attack because the commentator has issues, issues that lay buried until some unsuspecting scapegoat like me pushes his buttons.

I refuse to play those games.

Silence is often a better teacher than any ‘wisdom’ I could spout.

  • My point with all this is that

  • Only when I am filled with divine love, only then will my words pierce hearts, console, bring peace or convict. Only when I live and move and breathe in the Holy Spirit, only then can I really love the angry, agitator who loves to attack and criticize.

 

I think God lets us rant and rave at Him, to let us blow off steam. Then, when we are ready to listen, only then does he whisper a response.

 

Published by melanie jean juneau

Melanie Jean Juneau serves as the Editor in Chief of Catholic Stand. She is a mother of nine children who has edited her kid's university term papers for over a decade. She blogs at joy of nine9 and mother of nine9. Her writing is humorous and heart warming; thoughtful and thought-provoking. Part of her call and her witness is to write the truth about children, family, marriage and the sacredness of life. Melanie is the administrator of ACWB, a columnist at CatholicLane, CatholicStand, Catholic365 , CAPC, author of Echoes of the Divine and Oopsy Daisy, and coauthor of Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood.

32 thoughts on “Angry Comments”

  2. Precious sister in Christ, you have chosen both the better as well as the wiser path. Our LORD often did the same — the entire Crucifixion event from the Garden onwards, being perhaps, the most dramatic example of the power of silence. And also, there are many other biblical references for this wisdom such as to not “toss pearls before swine.”

    I know it’s cold comfort, but you must be doing excellent things if the Evil One is so riled up about your Christian witness here that he’d send his minions in to distract, discourage, disturb you, and, try to waste your valuable time giving response to these rants.

    Please be assured in your true readers’ continued love and prayer support. Carry on! We have your back.

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  4. One of the hallmarks of modern communication and culture is the inability to have reasoned debate. Everything is emotional. Everything is “all or nothing.” I agree with your approach to angry comments. I hope I have the same grace and divine love to accept anger thrown toward my own work and writing. God bless!

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  5. I’ve found that by and large, commenters comment using emotions and not reason. Many hot-button issues are also emotional ones and when someone uses reason to disagree or refute a point, it makes them all aflutter. I’ve experienced this defending the the Faith on secular websites, as well as Catholic ones. You can’t reason with emotions, so I rarely comment anymore, except for a select few blogs and/or articles.

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  6. Worrying about every mean comment that you come across can in fact be headache inducing. What puzzles me is that there are no mean comments/screenshots presented within this blog post.

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  9. Ah, the good old modern-day prejudice against anger and ‘negativity.’ Very un-Christ-like and un-Christian I’m afraid. You’re right about the common connection between closed-mindedness and anger, but working ‘negativity’ into the mix makes you sound like someone who is herself closed-minded (I don’t know if you are, I’m just responding to the logical content of what you have written). In any case, anger and open-mindedness, not to mention anger and truth, are perfectly compatible, so you should be very cautious about dismissing people just because they might be angry (or ‘negative’).

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    2. She didn’t dismiss them, David. She weighed what they had to say and found it wanting. Then she made a conscious and intelligent decision not to buy into their darkness. Life is too short and there are far too many other issues that need discussing nowadays to waste time on that which does not promote the Kingdom of GOD.People can believe whatever they want. GOD, Himself, will not take away our free will. But it follows that we, in,turn, do not have to buy into nor address whatever foolishness others may want to vomit out into the world, especially when we know it’s wrong.

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  10. I really appreciate your post. It is so easy to take attacks personally and your calm example and wisdom reminds, as you pointed out, that often these attacks are merely the triggering of a wound in a reader. That actually creates an immediate sympathy towards them because wounds are really something we can all relate to. This reframing of the angry comment from active attack on the author to a passive pain within the reader creates space for the grace of “divine love” to work on us. Thanks!

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  13. I really can’t think why anyone should leave a negative comment on your Blog. If they do; just pray for them.

    By the way … excuse my ignorance. Who is that lady called Johannes Vermeer at the top of your Blog? Whenever I look at her she says to me menacingly “What are you looking at?” I wouldn’t like to have an argument with her !!!

    God bless.

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      1. Dear Mrs. Juneau

        Your testimony is beautiful, peaceful and very rich spiritual speaking. I felt great peace in my heart, very deeply….

        I apologize myself for any inconvenient, some behavior you dislike or seems to you an angry attitude. My temper, yes, is a ” Temper ” is like warm blood very different from any negative sensation or retaliation, it´s a ” territory position “… it´s only how I am! I cannot be different and not honest with myself or my ” Temper “.

        I promise you for the next time trying to be more diplomatic, do not so confronter and respect more your legacy. I am not in my ” Land “!

        My best wishes and gratitude.

        Mitch

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      2. I love your righteous indignation. There are times when men must stand up for what is right, even take up arms. It is not in me to fight, or even get angry but our land would not be at peace if some men were not wired like you. God uses all of us to “fight the good fight”

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