After the birth of our fourth child, Michael and I struggled to understand exactly how we were meant to live our lives. We were discussing an article by an author whose main premise was that letting go of control and trusting in God was not some abstract principle but a day-to-day practical call that included the surrender of our fertility. Of course, we practised natural family planning but I was one of those rare people who could conceive long before ovulation.
As my doctor said once, “Ah, I remember reading about a woman in New Zealand, two years ago, who conceived five days before ovulation.”
I raised my hand and chirped, “Well, you can add me to that list!”
Although we could not imagine how large our family would become, the words of that article resonated within both my husband and I. Guilt lifted off us and a surge of excitement, a sense of purpose welled up from within. Although it took time to really believe that none of our children were simply a failure of the natural family planning method. Many small experiences kept reinforcing the truth the for us that God called each of our children into being with our co-operation. We’d stumbled blindly at times and then a burst of clarity would shine light on our purpose.
For example, twenty-five years ago, I once again slipped into panic mode, worrying if I was pregnant with my fifth child. Suddenly a wave of peace enveloped me and my whole body relaxed.
I heard these words within me,
“This is your call. This is your vocation. This is your witness to the world.”
All sorts of objections rushed into my head,
” What on earth do you mean a witness, a witness to what?- stupidity? People don’t understand. They just think we are irresponsible or idiots……”
Then unexpected joy bubbled within me and I sensed these words in my spirit, “I am with you.”
Once again, a blanket of peace wrapped like a blanket around me. It was an actual physical sensation and I was at peace, my mind calm and my spirit felt strong.
That was it for me; I understood and I said “yes”.
Though I still cringed under disapproval from society, I always understood that my children were saving me by compelling me to dive deeper into my spirit. They challenged me to dig deeper, discovering the power of eternal Love at my very core. A love that can stand strong against all opposition
joy of nine9 
What an awesome testimony!
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“cringed under disapproval from society,” is a big problem with a lot of people today. You were being wrapped in a “blanket of peace” knowing your purpose was right with God. May many more couples hear this calling. God bless you and Michael!
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thank-you for a wonderful blessing
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very inspiring! I salute your catholic faith in accepting your life as your vocation. Now i feel the importance of the vocational aspect of laity in the church. I thought only religious vocation is so special as i am a religious too.
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so did I. I was really disappointed when I realized I would not become a nun or a missionary- for years I felt like a second-class Catholic
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Reblogged this on St. John One: One.
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This was your vocation! Beautiful post!
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yes,,,I stumbled upon it
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We all have that natural pride, the need to be important, to be a HUGE witness to all. Our witness is huge, in the eyes of God. He sees the sum of all parts, and we are there, making our contribution. So many times we just won’t see the fruit in our lifetime. But He can assure that when He gives you a vocation, there is a meaning behind that. Blessings!
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yes- I wanted to be a nun or missionary and do something great for God
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I think big families are awesome! I always wished that I grew up on a farm with a ton of brothers and sisters. We had a family at our church like that growing up, and even though they bickered amongst themselves sometimes, they were also thick as thieves and had so much love, and funny inside jokes, and excitement. Our infertility has been such a struggle for us, not only because we always wanted a big family, but other Catholic families around us are so huge and ours is so very tiny. I always worry that they think we are using birth control or on purpose avoiding kids. God bless your big, happy family!
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so ironic- you have the opposite problem I had…we need more love and compassion or each other rather than judgement
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I had an aunt and uncle who had ten children. God bless your family. You brought so much love into the world. The world is better for it!
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Thank you for sharing so beautifully on this topic. Being open to a big family can bring up many uncertainties and fears, especially for those of us who only had one or two siblings and didn’t see many larger families growing up. Your thoughts are very encouraging.
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🙂
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Great post!
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