STABBING MYSELF IN THE HEART

Posted in Catholic, family life

Christ, the only sacrifice who redeems and heals us

I stood at the sink,58376 (1)

pain lancing my chest,

sobbing silently,

tears blinding me as I tackled a mound of dirty dishes.

Exhaustion weighed heavy,

my arms like stone.

11:00pm.

I was alone, disconnected

Isolated.

I could almost see the knife

piercing my heart.

There was a name on the handle;

I strained my inner eye,

expecting to see my husband’s name carved in the wood

But No!

I tried to manipulate the letters,

But I could not force them to spell his name.

The etched letters

Clearly spelled Melanie.

My eyes widened,

I literally gasped in shock.

Truth pierced,

dissolving the knife and the sharp pain with it into insubstantial mist.

I was the architect of my misery,

a dramatic self-made victim,

acting like a pitiful scapegoat.

Reality made me smile.

An inner switch flipped.

Misery slipped off like useless rags

The mountain of work thrown into the sea by a mustard seed of common sense because there was no mountain except in my self-pitying delusions of martyred grandeur.

Then

Self- depreciating laughter,

Cutting through Stress.

A Strange Calm.

Strength.

The Spirit of Truth and Joy had finally triumphed.

Published by melanie jean juneau

Melanie Jean Juneau serves as the Editor in Chief of Catholic Stand. She is a mother of nine children who has edited her kid's university term papers for over a decade. She blogs at joy of nine9 and mother of nine9. Her writing is humorous and heart warming; thoughtful and thought-provoking. Part of her call and her witness is to write the truth about children, family, marriage and the sacredness of life. Melanie is the administrator of ACWB, a columnist at CatholicLane, CatholicStand, Catholic365 , CAPC, author of Echoes of the Divine and Oopsy Daisy, and coauthor of Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood.

10 thoughts on “STABBING MYSELF IN THE HEART”

  3. Yes, great to see more poems from you! How true that our attitude effects everything. When we stop to take care of ourselves, even a little, including our souls, how much easier it become not to resent our circumstances and play the martyr!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      3. That’s right. Tricky balancing self-care with care for kids, but important. When I take time to do simple nice things for myself, and to pray and to write, I can cope with everything much more cheerfully. A little chocolate, and a lot of grace, right? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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