Revisited: Shattered and Renewed


I once asked a priest what my life would have been like if I had not suffered or if I had married a well-off dentist, had 1.75 kids and lived in a nice house. He put on a phony, pious face, with his hands together in prayer and said in a high, sweet voice,

‘Oh, you would be a nice Christian lady, praising the Lord.’

What he meant by that amusing bit of acting was that I would be shallow, without depth and strength.

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If that is the case, I say bring on the suffering because I want, no I need to live in reality. I refuse to simply play games during my time on earth.

I can think of no greater tragedy than to die and discover that I had deluded myself, simply living on the surface, eating, drinking, doing chores, sleeping and had missed out on the core reality of what it means to be fully alive, fully human, in relationship to other people and to God.

  I want to live in CHRIST, COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED. I DO NOT WANT TO SIMPLY PLAY CHRISTIAN GAMES.

I was just thinking that I had not shared about my pain, struggle or suffering, only about the joy of mothering, the joy of living as a daughter of God. I friend also pointed out to me the other day that I never really talk about the long, dark periods in my life.

I guess it is because joy always triumphs in the end in my life, I tend to forget about the painful years. The love of little people, strong tea, laughter and the Presence of God in the midst of chaos seems to crack anxiety and stress but yes, I have been shattered by the demands of mothering .

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Yet God always manages to use those moments when I am shattered to crack my heart and soul open to more of His presence and healing. It is like childbirth, the pain is forgotten when I hold my newborn but on the other the hand if there is no pain, there is no baby or new growth in the Spirit.


 For me God speaks through books as well as my spiritual director and the written word has often  changed my life, flipped an inner switched by bringing insight and clarity.

 I realize that each difficult stage in mothering is normal, not a big deal because all mothers go through similar experiences.

So I am not going through a big crisis. I can see each difficult stage is a call from God to change and grow by going deeper, accessing the strength of the Holy Spirit within my own heart.

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7 thoughts on “Revisited: Shattered and Renewed

  1. So interesting that you reposted this! Yes, I sometimes think about my life if I did not suffer, and I have a long way to go still! Things are not apples and roses, and its not a walk in the park.

    I do believe, and have learned that these trials that we were given in our lives, were meant to strengthen us–not only in our faith, but our mission. Our mission to love those, and lead others to Christ even though it could be painful for self to do so.

    I think about the Seven Spiritual Works of Mercy all the time, and what that means as I’m growing and changing into a person whom He wants me to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I find that most of my growth comes from my suffering. I wish I could say I always embrace the suffering but that is not true, it isn’t until after the suffering has passed that I find my gratitude. I hope to one day be able to embrace the suffering and use it to benefit others in the moment.

    God Bless!
    Toni

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I find there are times and trials that are so difficult, it does not seem possible that the renewal will come. Yes we learn and continue to pray but the renewal seems distant, as if it were a light far away. And it doesn’t seem to be a matter of choice but simply circumstances not changing, as if there is a war unending. But in other people one can see people changed and growing spiritually. Thanks for this article.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are very wise- circumstantial suffering is the hardest to accept because it is not the result of sin or poor choices. – It is difficult not to be bitter, complain or feel overwhelmed by a sense of unfairness.
      We only trust that God will use it to purify and draw us closer to His Heart

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s a very good way to look at it, and I needed to hear that again. I really do try to live in a positive way, but it is very tough at times. And I know for sure my faith is not strong. I want it to be and I continue to pray. Thanks for your kindness.

        Liked by 1 person

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