Stabbing Myself in the Heart

I stood at the sink,58376 (1)

pain lancing my chest,

sobbing silently,

tears blinding me as I tackled a mound of dirty dishes.

Exhaustion weighed heavy,

my arms like a stone.


I was alone, disconnected


I could almost see the knife

piercing my heart.

There was a name on the handle;

I strained my inner eye,

expecting to see my husband’s name carved into the wood

But No!

I tried to manipulate the letters,

But I could not force them to spell his name.

The etched letters

Clearly spelled Melanie.

My eyes widened,

I literally gasped in shock.

Truth pierced,

dissolving the knife and the sharp pain with it into an insubstantial mist.

I was the architect of my misery,

a dramatic self-made victim,

acting like a pitiful scapegoat.

Reality made me smile.

An inner switch flipped.

Misery slipped off like useless rags

The mountain of work thrown into the sea by a mustard seed of common sense because there was no mountain except in my self-pitying delusions of martyred grandeur.


Self- depreciating laughter,

Cutting through Stress.

A Strange Calm.


The Spirit of Truth and Joy had finally triumphed.

Christ is the only sacrifice who redeems and heals us.

connecting with theology is a verb

4 thoughts on “Stabbing Myself in the Heart

  1. Love love love this Melanie. This is often the story of my life! But God is so good isn’t he? Like a loving father, he leads us back to the truth. Without a life of faith, I shudder to think where i would (or would not) be today.

    Liked by 2 people

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